The art of fear based management

Posts in category Dis-empowerment

Be the expert on topics you know nothing about!

Mar20
2011 Leave a Comment Written by CR

One of the best ways to show that you are superior to the underlings who work for you is to easily summarize complex topics on which you know nothing about. This happens a lot in IT and complex engineering, where one or more of your staff members will come to you about a large issue or project. Use phrases such as:

“This should be relatively straightforward, you must be doing something wrong..”
“Hmm, doesn’t sound that difficult, can’t you just link the tables and show it in the report, the data is there.”
“You really need to get our site to show up when someone types in ‘add competition’s name here’. I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE, SO DO IT!!!”
I understand what you are saying, but I know X can be accomplished. ‘Fill in made up name here’  did it and he is getting paid less than you. (Remember to emphasize the pay portion, it motivates!)

Long pause, stern stare, shake head.

All of this minimization should posture you for success. The other management folk will agree with you as none of you are responsible for the work, only the rewards. If they accomplish what you asked, be sure to take credit, if they don’t simply review some of the other pillars to get your point across!

Posted in Fear, Humiliation, Self Doubt

Less Work = More Reward

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

Life is not fair or equitable.  Look at the universe it is mostly empty the mass is located in very tight spaces in relative terms.

In business you do not expect things to equal either, but there comes a time when even the most opened minded individuals will start to question the tactics of the powers to be…

It an economic downturn the company blames the current state of the economy and says we need to keep costs down to be affordable to our customers.  Then they launch the program and the masses either get no increase in pay ofrless than 2% a year which in many cases is like 700 dollars a year….

Meanwhile back at the ranch the CEO and his brethren rack in double digit millions while the poor saps that actually do work can’t buy milk.  Then they say “be happy your getting a paycheck”.

Then to top it off they spend money on useless consultants who are friends of the powers to be, whereas if they would have canceled the consulting agreements the rank and file could have gotten a much better raise – but then they cry – well that’s a different bucket of money!  WTF

 

Posted in Blame, Buzzwordology, Confusion, Humiliation, Isolation, Strong Arm

Pa pa pa poker face

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

You know you are in deep shit when your boss starts hiring all his sycophant friends. They stack the deck against you, like playin poker in Vegas you will be wiped out, beat up, sent up the river and banged in the ass – the house always wins….spades dance best from the hip.

Having said that….

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

You can tell when you are working in an authentic 21st century company. The heritage people and managers often use words like “do we have a quorum” or “having said that” or “that said“. They use these words to show you that they are the real decision makers and knowers of all things.

In meeting environments they will monopolize the conversation in a non-stop monotone blather that will make you wish you had decided to shovel shit for a living.

These types of business folks personify the 21st century, and they will let you know within seconds of meeting them as they will use these phrases right away to LET YOU KNOW that they truly are gifted. The guide to the 21st century will help you cope and plan an attack to take back your company and life and regain some sanity…

Posted in Buzzwordology, Confusion, Jibberish, weasel words

Take Credit for everyone’s (your) accomplishments

Jun05
2008 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

Did you see, hear, think of or read about something excellent…guess what…you did it!

All top managers know the way to the top is to run to the bosses office (or call / text) the moment you get a whiff of excellence or good news!! Beat your peers/subordinates/superiors (future underlings) to the bosses office and ensure you throw them under the bus (see previous post) at the same time you stake your claim!

You are on a rocket ship to the top!!

Posted in Blame, Isolation, Self Doubt - Tagged

Under the Bus

Feb29
2008 6 Comments Written by CR

The best place to throw someone is under the busThrowing an employee “under the bus” is another excellent way to boost self esteem, ego, and pay. Nothing makes you look more in control than when you unleash on an employee in front of the board of directors.

Cunning, witty, and tactful…that is how the skill is executed. So you have steered an employee in the wrong direction during a major project, is that your fault? NO. The employee should know what to do that’s his job, you are management goddammit and don’t have time for bullshit details.

Some excellent phrases that come to mind to help accomplish your mission….

  • What the FUCK were you thinking????
  • You have singlehandedly  put the future of this company in jeopardy!
  • This is how you expect to get ahead?!?
  • I think you may not be what we are looking for in this company, or any company.
  • This shit has got to stop! Are you fucking retarded?
  • You and you alone have fucked us.

If executed properly, the bus should feel more like a semi truck. Your employee will literally have to scrape his self worth off the ground, which means that you have once again done your job! So pat yourself on the back, leave two hours early and don’t show up til Wednesday of next week! You earned it!

Posted in Blame, Fear

The Art of Deflection and Deception

Feb20
2008 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

Often employees will ask a question you do not wish to answer. The best way to handle this is to:

  • Lie
  • Repeat the question then – talk about a long forgotten work issue
  • Yell – about nothing in particular – ensure you use works like fuck, shit and we are fucked now
  • Throw something…anything
  • Tell the truth, then blame someone else then fire them
  • Tell the employee you need more information
  • Ask the employee who gave them permission to approach you, then fire that person
  • Never, and I mean never take responsibility for any actions you may or may not have done
Posted in Cut line of communication, Fear, Humiliation - Tagged
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