The art of fear based management

Posts in category Confusion

Less Work = More Reward

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

Life is not fair or equitable.  Look at the universe it is mostly empty the mass is located in very tight spaces in relative terms.

In business you do not expect things to equal either, but there comes a time when even the most opened minded individuals will start to question the tactics of the powers to be…

It an economic downturn the company blames the current state of the economy and says we need to keep costs down to be affordable to our customers.  Then they launch the program and the masses either get no increase in pay ofrless than 2% a year which in many cases is like 700 dollars a year….

Meanwhile back at the ranch the CEO and his brethren rack in double digit millions while the poor saps that actually do work can’t buy milk.  Then they say “be happy your getting a paycheck”.

Then to top it off they spend money on useless consultants who are friends of the powers to be, whereas if they would have canceled the consulting agreements the rank and file could have gotten a much better raise – but then they cry – well that’s a different bucket of money!  WTF

 

Posted in Blame, Buzzwordology, Dis-empowerment, Humiliation, Isolation, Strong Arm

The New Program

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

Has your company been struggling lately?  Has the poor economy decreased your business and the outlook is dim?

Here is a sure fire sign you are fucked…you notice new people around.  They have meetings with the boss.  They interview people and look at the numbers. Then….they have an all hands meeting and your management team says they are kicking off a new program call “ROAR” the roadmap of opportunities accelerate and recalibrate.

You are now official fucked and it is just a matter of time before you will be out of business.

 

Posted in Blame, Fear, Humiliation, Strong Arm - Tagged

Having said that….

Feb26
2011 Leave a Comment Written by Fear

You can tell when you are working in an authentic 21st century company. The heritage people and managers often use words like “do we have a quorum” or “having said that” or “that said“. They use these words to show you that they are the real decision makers and knowers of all things.

In meeting environments they will monopolize the conversation in a non-stop monotone blather that will make you wish you had decided to shovel shit for a living.

These types of business folks personify the 21st century, and they will let you know within seconds of meeting them as they will use these phrases right away to LET YOU KNOW that they truly are gifted. The guide to the 21st century will help you cope and plan an attack to take back your company and life and regain some sanity…

Posted in Buzzwordology, Dis-empowerment, Jibberish, weasel words

Up the line

Feb23
2011 Leave a Comment Written by CR

When employees think that they have the ability to make even the most minimal decisions, there is something VERY WRONG. If an employee makes a decision without your knowledge or shall I say blessing/approval, it is imperative that they be placed on a PIP. Furthermore, others will learn that even the smallest decisions must come through you.

The beauty of this one is that as we all know you are too busy to actually talk to your employees. You will win this one easily because now everyone is afraid to make a decision, but can never get your approval, thereby giving you the ammo you need to fire them for lack of performance. You can ALWAYS yell at them for not getting the job done, even if you weren’t available for approval. Remember ALWAYS question judgement with an overtone of doubt.

Posted in Blame, Humiliation, Self Doubt

Create Acronyms that no one understands (CATNOU)

Mar16
2008 1 Comment Written by CR

Acronyms are a great way to make people feel inferior… especially when they don’t have a fucking clue what you are talking about.  I have found that a great way to begin is to think of commonly used phrases and “acronymize” them. For instance, say your subordinates are working on a project called the “Final Line Assembly and Manufacturing Process Improvement”. No one else has ever mentioned an acronym for this. Here’s how to execute:

1. Grab Joe and ask him how the FLAMPI project is going. You can either say each letter or even better yet, pronounce it “Flam pee”. | Not to be confused with the Penske File :) |

2. When Joe looks confused, immediately look angry and puzzle, be sure that another manager knows about your acronym, and bring him over. Tell him Joe doesn’t seem to know what the FLAMPI project is. Make sure that the other manager has a good sense of humor and will immediately start laughing, bringing humiliation to an all time high.

3. Hold a meeting with a group that excludes Joe and fill them in, be sure to let them know that Joe doesn’t seem to know what FLAMPI is. Make sure that they question him on it.

4. If your plan has worked Joe will either quit or you can fire him for his ignorance, as it is apparent that everyone else in the company is aware of your made up acronym.

Acronymming up a conversation always makes someone in the room feel clueless, use frequently for best results.

Posted in Cut line of communication, Self Doubt
Back to Top