Management Pillars

Ever find that between socializing, one upping and just plain spacing out that you simply don’t have time to do the more or less important things in life? That car is not going to clean itself, and for that matter, you aren’t going to clean it either; it’s below you. Think of it this way, your employees are nothing more than indentured servants, and since you are the company defined in human form, cleaning your car is every bit as important as manufacturing schedules; that’s what weekends are for. EVERYONE below you is your personal assistant. And remember, anything you need your employees better do. Obey me or leave, it’s just that easy

When dealing with peers, superiors or subordinates it is always best to deliver senstive messages via-e-mail - even if the target sits next to you.  Here are a few rules of thumb:

 1.  Always send derogatory e-mails to subordatines in lieu of face to face contact - because we know if you had to do it face to face you never would

2. Copy all your peers and superiors to show them that you are on top of the slackers

3.  Always demean them with phrases like “constant constrination” “irratation” “must get act together or further action”

The propel your career in the new age use this type of language:

1.  We need more bandwidth

2.  Is that value added?

3.  We don’t have much time to get this project done

4.  Can you justify that activity?

5.  More capital would help

6. More resources are essential

7. We will never finish in time

8. Things are not going as planned

9.  We are behind schedule

10. Whats the ROI?

11. Can you show me the TCO?

12. Think outside the box

13.  Think “Win Win”

14.  What not…(what is that anyway?)

15.  Having said that….

An effective way to make employees succumb to your demands and achieve your management goals:

Change employee behavior:

• Mock them in front of a group of co-workers
• Make them feel insecure
• Secretly have meetings with all co-workers so the target employee can see you - but do not meet with them
• Whisper to someone every time your victim walks by then laugh
• After the meeting, make the employee feel more uncomfortable by taking the rest of the team to lunch.
• Let everyone else leave early.

Increase performance

• Call them out in front of co-workers with comments such as "when are you going to pull your head out of your ass?"
• Whisper just loud enough to be heard to other workers "can you do his job, we might need you soon"
• Cut down any and all progress with, "You spent HOW LONG on this!"
• Use sayings such as, "Close your mouth I can smell the bullshit"

Diminish their self worth

Use these comments in front of co-workers or anytime at all:

1. Can you really be that stupid?
2. If shit were brains you would be Einstein.
3. Are you a moron?
4. Go ahead and quit, who else would be dump enough to hire you
5. Can you ever do anything right?
6. Who hired you? They should be fired.
7. I’m surprised you’ve slipped through the cracks this long.
8. What’s your excuse this time?
9. I’ve pissed patterns in the snow more coherent than your ideas.
10. You know that saying "There are no stupid questions?" Well you’ve just been the first to ask one. Congrats chief.
11. Did you grow up near power lines?
12. Rig their drug tests, then accuse them of lying.

• This is a true art that is learned thru deception

Agree with all your co-workers often and repeatedly on major company initiatives…then

In a major meeting with all bosses disagree with all parties with information you have been withholding for months…

This will make everyone look foolish and they will scramble for answers & they will have none! - this is the time to bury the sword deep

You will have moved up from Gray Wizard to White Wizard overnight!

When executed properly the blindside makes you appear as a fucking genius; while victims of the blindside look similar to dogs who have just received the beating of a lifetime for shitting on the rug again.

• Fuck win win
• The I win you lose option is what we are really after (lets not kid ourself)
• Whenever I beat you it is good - you beat me it is bad - beating me is not an option, unless it is racing onto a sinking ship
• Common knowlege would lead you to believe the key to success is WIN / WIN - but all top leaders know that that is the sucker line, or for pigs lost in the wilderness - you will turn into somebody elses lunch - YOU must always come out on top no matter the fall-out or cost - burn your wife if you have to .. but win..win Rockey win!
• Remember, the  more you lose, the more I win, the better I look!

Often employees will ask a question you do not wish to answer.  The best way to handle this is to:

• Lie
• Repeat the question then - talk about a long forgotten work issue
• Yell - about nothing in particular - ensure you use works like fuck, shit and we are fucked now
• Throw something…anything
• Tell the truth, then blame someone else then fire them
• Tell the employee you need more information
• Ask the employee who gave them permisson to approach you, then fire that person
• Never, and I mean never take responsibility for any actions you may or may not have done 

Ensure you recreate the past no matter the cost or facts to boslter your position…truth and the american way have no room in the new age of leadership

Ensure you are always right…instill doubt to make co-workers tremble at the thought of confrontation

Might=Right 

One Up

It is important to let your subordinates know that whatever they have done, you have already outdone years ago
so when they come to you to gloat about their accomplishments, let them know how much you don’t give a shit, because you have already done it….. better