Management Pillars

Did you see, hear, think of or read about something excellent…guess what…you did it!

All top managers know the way to the top is to run to the bosses office (or call / text) the moment you get a whiff of excellence or good news!   Beat your peers/subordinates/superiors (future underlings) to the bosses office and ensure you throw them under the bus (see previous post) at the same time you stake your claim!

You are on a rocket ship to the top!!

Throwing an employee "under the bus" is another excellent way to boost self esteem, ego, and pay. Nothing makes you look more in control than when you unleash on an employee in front of the board of directors.

Cunning, witty, and tactful…that is how the skill is executed. So you have steered an employee in the wrong direction during a major project, is that your fault? NO. The employee should know what to do that’s his job, you are management goddammit and don’t have time for bullshit details.

Some excellent phrases that come to mind to help accomplish your mission….

• What the FUCK were you thinking????
• You have singlehandedly  put the future of this company in jeopardy!
• This is how you expect to get ahead?!?
• I think you may not be what we are looking for in this company, or any company.
• This shit has got to stop! Are you fucking retarded?
• You and you alone have fucked us.

If executed properly, the bus should feel more like a semi truck. Your employee will literally have to scrape his self worth off the ground, which means that you have once again done your job! So pat yourself on the back, leave two hours early and don’t show up til Wednesday of next week! You earned it!

Often employees will ask a question you do not wish to answer.  The best way to handle this is to:

• Lie
• Repeat the question then - talk about a long forgotten work issue
• Yell - about nothing in particular - ensure you use works like fuck, shit and we are fucked now
• Throw something…anything
• Tell the truth, then blame someone else then fire them
• Tell the employee you need more information
• Ask the employee who gave them permisson to approach you, then fire that person
• Never, and I mean never take responsibility for any actions you may or may not have done 

When your employee excels at their job, it is important not to let them know; in fact, you will want to make them feel as if they are doing the opposite. Without constant questioning, pestering, and an overall “I don’t trust you” attitude, you will never successfully pull this one off.

Phrases and tips that work, PERIOD:

•  ”Where are you on that?”
• “Is that all you have accomplished?”
• “Looks, OK…. but you have a long way to go”
• “Is it finished yet?”
• “Have you actually done anything today?”
• “Is this work related?”
• “Doesn’t sound productive to me”
• “Work Smarter”
• “Progress is slim”
• “You call this completed?”