Lean, Six Sigma and Other Useless Nonsense

So what is the next great wonderful new exciting idea to make people with useless jobs sound like they actually understand analytical data? What foreign language can we base it off this time to sound smart? I mean c’mon can you really say the words “poke yoke” (pronounced Polka Yolk – two things that never should be together) without laughing as you say it. If you answered “YES” then you are definitely expendable. You see, Lean and Six Sigma were invented by smart people to give those some “tools” to sound like they are not complete morons. But seriously, let’s face it, the jobs that Lean applies to will be done by robots in the next 2-3 years or sooner, so yeah…. not really relevant anymore, but I digress.

You know the type of people I am talking about. Guys that are putting things together who really just want to get in, get out & get paid do not give a flying fuck about Lean, AndOn lights, water spiders, kanban, hoshen connery (or Sean), metrics, value streams, paredo analysis or muda. They just want to put shit together, make sure it works, and make sure it’s on time so they are not chained to their workstation after hours and given a speech about performance metrics and shareholder value.

It's YOUR fault

So today’s management tip is simply this : “Lean sucks and Six Sigma is even worse, FIRE your entire lean team and *poof* you have instantly saved the company a couple hundred thousand…. MUCH more than those jackasses would ever “save”. Oh, and another thing about performance, don’t hire the┬áslobs who smell like shit, look like they are going to die soon or are so fat that they can barely move; by doing soon, lean is obsolete. Now get your paradigm shift on and let the bodies hit the gemba!

 

One Comment

  1. FattBitchie says:

    I love you!

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