Management Pillars

Throwing an employee "under the bus" is another excellent way to boost self esteem, ego, and pay. Nothing makes you look more in control than when you unleash on an employee in front of the board of directors.

Cunning, witty, and tactful…that is how the skill is executed. So you have steered an employee in the wrong direction during a major project, is that your fault? NO. The employee should know what to do that’s his job, you are management goddammit and don’t have time for bullshit details.

Some excellent phrases that come to mind to help accomplish your mission….

• What the FUCK were you thinking????
• You have singlehandedly  put the future of this company in jeopardy!
• This is how you expect to get ahead?!?
• I think you may not be what we are looking for in this company, or any company.
• This shit has got to stop! Are you fucking retarded?
• You and you alone have fucked us.

If executed properly, the bus should feel more like a semi truck. Your employee will literally have to scrape his self worth off the ground, which means that you have once again done your job! So pat yourself on the back, leave two hours early and don’t show up til Wednesday of next week! You earned it!

• This is a true art that is learned thru deception

Agree with all your co-workers often and repeatedly on major company initiatives…then

In a major meeting with all bosses disagree with all parties with information you have been withholding for months…

This will make everyone look foolish and they will scramble for answers & they will have none! - this is the time to bury the sword deep

You will have moved up from Gray Wizard to White Wizard overnight!

When executed properly the blindside makes you appear as a fucking genius; while victims of the blindside look similar to dogs who have just received the beating of a lifetime for shitting on the rug again.

• Fuck win win
• The I win you lose option is what we are really after (lets not kid ourself)
• Whenever I beat you it is good - you beat me it is bad - beating me is not an option, unless it is racing onto a sinking ship
• Common knowlege would lead you to believe the key to success is WIN / WIN - but all top leaders know that that is the sucker line, or for pigs lost in the wilderness - you will turn into somebody elses lunch - YOU must always come out on top no matter the fall-out or cost - burn your wife if you have to .. but win..win Rockey win!
• Remember, the  more you lose, the more I win, the better I look!

Blame is an excellent skill to have; especially after a project fails. The project fell a little short because you have spent more time drinking than managing the project and it has ultimately failed and/or been delayed for weeks. In order to allow upper management realize that it was none of your wrongdoing, try the following:

• Always name names. Don’t ever use word like "they" or "my team", instead use the following - "John has a real problem with authority and actively refused participation in the project"
• Fire someone. This is a prime example of you doing your very best.
• Call out your employees on faults that may or may not have had during the duration of the project…. Lying goes a long way, and always makes you look better.
• Recommend a demotion to all members of your team, so that you can receive a bonus whenever the project gets completed.

Remember eat coal…shit diamonds.

Often employees will ask a question you do not wish to answer.  The best way to handle this is to:

• Lie
• Repeat the question then - talk about a long forgotten work issue
• Yell - about nothing in particular - ensure you use works like fuck, shit and we are fucked now
• Throw something…anything
• Tell the truth, then blame someone else then fire them
• Tell the employee you need more information
• Ask the employee who gave them permisson to approach you, then fire that person
• Never, and I mean never take responsibility for any actions you may or may not have done 

When your employee excels at their job, it is important not to let them know; in fact, you will want to make them feel as if they are doing the opposite. Without constant questioning, pestering, and an overall “I don’t trust you” attitude, you will never successfully pull this one off.

Phrases and tips that work, PERIOD:

•  ”Where are you on that?”
• “Is that all you have accomplished?”
• “Looks, OK…. but you have a long way to go”
• “Is it finished yet?”
• “Have you actually done anything today?”
• “Is this work related?”
• “Doesn’t sound productive to me”
• “Work Smarter”
• “Progress is slim”
• “You call this completed?”

Ensure you recreate the past no matter the cost or facts to boslter your position…truth and the american way have no room in the new age of leadership

Ensure you are always right…instill doubt to make co-workers tremble at the thought of confrontation

Might=Right 

Then out of nowhere use random explosive outbursts and accusations as the supreme fear mechanism.

Fear = Respect

One Up

It is important to let your subordinates know that whatever they have done, you have already outdone years ago
so when they come to you to gloat about their accomplishments, let them know how much you don’t give a shit, because you have already done it….. better

If your employees (subordinates is what we will call them from now on) do not fear you when you walk in the room, then there is something wrong.